Humor Writing
MCSWEENEY’S
How to Hit It Off with My College Friend You’re About to Meet at This Party
Do Not Feed the Duck—You Will Only Enable Him
Niche Romance Novel Microtropes
Table Options for Your Dinner Reservation
Our RV Has a Kitchen, Bedroom, Bathroom, and Plenty of Space for Our Seven Children
Odyssey Cruise Lines Now Offering Competitive Rate of $21 an Hour for a Ten-Year Adventure
The Totally Normal and Perfectly Legal Ways We Stored Official White House Documents
I’m Voting for Him, Not Endorsing Him—There’s a Huge Difference
REDUCTRESS
5 Tinted Lip Balms That Will Make You Look Like a Toddler Who Ate Jam for the First Time
4 Goldendoodles You Could Probably Bum a Prozac Off
Jealous? This Dog Gets to Be Sedated While Having His Teeth Cleaned
I LIVED IT: I Tried on a Mood Ring and It Screamed and Screamed and Screamed
I LIVED IT: I Wore Cargo Pants and Now All My Friends Are Sending Me Father’s Day Cards
Friend Thwarts Your Attempt to Cancel Plans by Being Accommodating
Woman Drinking From Mason Jar About to Unintentionally Join Wet T-Shirt Contest
How to Have a Ménage à Trois by Spending Decades Mastering a Professional Sport
Woman Sends Friend Obligatory 'Sorry!' Text After Hanging Out
‘Love You Like a Sister,’ Says Woman Who Used to Bite Her Sister
Dermatologists Hate Her! This Woman Has Cancelled Her Appointment Last Minute Three Times in a Row
Woman Would Do Anything for Health Benefits of Cold Shower Besides Take Cold Shower
Woman Whose Social Battery Ran out Gracefully Transitions to Conversation Spectator
Woman Spends Entire Meal Battling Urge to Blow out Tiny Table Candle
Woman Super Environmentally Conscious Until You Give Her a Roll of Paper Towels
Wow! Woman concedes gracefully without siccing violent mob on nation’s capitol
Real Life Sitcom? These Friends Are Taking a Walk Together and Having a Conversation
Normal! Woman Posts About Toilets 8,000 Times in Two Days
Aw! Both Dog and Boyfriend Afraid of Vacuum
Woman Who Used to Write Paragraphs on a Flip Phone Would Rather Die Than Type One Word With a Remote
Drunk as a Skunk? This Skunk Actually Passed the Breathalyzer Test and Is Good to Drive
Nice! Woman Recoups Her Gender Pay Gap Losses at Office Holiday Party Open Bar
Wow! New Christmas Pop Song Somehow Finds Novel Way to Allude to Fucking Santa
Woman Wearing Slicked Back Bun Even Though She Doesn’t Have a Dance Recital Later
Woman Makes Friends Remove Their Outside Clothes Before Sitting on Her Couch
Bummer! New Study Reveals Peeps Can Feel Pain
I LIVED IT: The Drink I Get Every Day Wasn’t as Good Today
Relatable! US Picks Completely Unnecessary Fight With Closest Friends
REPORT: Trying to Do a Cartwheel Could Kill You Now
Hero! Woman Honors Plans Even Though It’s So Cold Out
Why I Learned Latin so I Could Really Connect With My Sleep Paralysis Demon
Gazillionaire? Woman Has Cloth Napkins
Woman’s Book Boyfriend Someone She Would Pepper Spray in Real Life
Chaotic Evil? Author Doesn’t Use Quotation Marks for Dialogue
Woman’s Entire Workout Just Moves a Turtle Stuck on Its Back Would Do
Sports Romance Has Two Pages of Sports
Story Told From POV of Dog Completely Omits Hours and Hours of Crotch-Licking
What the Fuck? Ex Out There Living Their Life
Jury Duty? Friends in Argument Both Asking for Your Opinion About It
“I Love Thrifting!” Says Woman Who Loves Buying Things No Matter the Circumstances